Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
