She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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