Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
When are your genitals available?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
