Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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