There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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