Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
