I want to have your abortion
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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