She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
