how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
