Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
