Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
