Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
