i think my tv is drunk
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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