david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
