i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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