Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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