actually, I'm a sock model
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
