He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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