How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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