it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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