I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
