I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
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After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
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He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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