I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
