it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
