I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
