how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
