he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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