am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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