You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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