dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
