so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
this just has baby written all over it
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
