Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I CAN MOONWALK!
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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