now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
