My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Randomize
