I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
