Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
