i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
