I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
