I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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