tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
