just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
