do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
