Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
