I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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