He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
