you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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