All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Randomize
