it wasn't lemon gatorade
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
