i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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