You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
