I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
