textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
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