Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize