In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just blew my weed a kiss
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
