guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
