I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
