Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize