legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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