Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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