Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
