Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
