Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I lost the right to judge tonight
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
