She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
