so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
