you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
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Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
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When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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