Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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