She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
