Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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