I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
