Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
