My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
