Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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