I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
the liver wants what the liver wants
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
