i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just want nice things and good sex
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
