idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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