you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
