Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
