dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
