yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
