do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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