We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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