Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Randomize
