i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
