I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
