You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
