Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
