Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
