You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
im six kinds of drunk right now
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize