I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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