Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
