MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
