by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
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like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
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Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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