Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
